A relationship map of your own life: see how your friends know each other

Open your phone’s contacts and you get an alphabet. Open a social network and you get a feed. Neither shows the thing that actually describes your social life: who knows whom. Your sister and your oldest friend have met twice. Two colleagues from different jobs turned out to be neighbours. The person who introduced you to your partner is now someone you only see at weddings.

That structure — sociologists call it your ego network — is where the useful information lives. It tells you who to invite together, who can pass a message along, who would notice if you disappeared for six months, and which parts of your life never touch.

Why a map, not a list

• Distance means something. On Kizuna’s map you sit in the centre; people you have talked to recently orbit close, and people you haven’t drift outward. A friendship going quiet becomes visible before it becomes awkward.
• Clusters are real. Family, the climbing group, the old team. Seeing them as islands shows you which islands have no bridge — and where one dinner would build it.
• Introductions are debts and gifts. An introduced by link keeps the direction: who brought whom into your life. That is worth remembering when it is your turn to introduce.

How to draw yours in ten minutes

1. Add the twelve people you would call in a bad week. Just a name and a relationship type. Don’t fill anything else in yet.
2. Link the pairs who already know each other. Tap one, choose Link to…, tap the other, pick a kind: family, partner, friend, colleague, introduced by, other. Add a note if the link needs one (“sisters”, “met at Ken’s wedding”).
3. Look at the gaps. Two people you like who have never met is not a coincidence — it is an invitation you haven’t sent yet.
4. Mark who you talked to today. One tap. The map tightens around the relationships you are actually feeding.

What the map is not

It is not a networking tool and nobody on it is a lead. It is not scraped from anywhere: every node and every link is something you typed, on purpose, and it stays on your device until you choose to sign in. The point is not to have more connections. It is to see the ones you have clearly enough to look after them.

Frequently asked

Can two people have more than one kind of link?

One link per pair, with a kind and a free-text note — “colleague, also my cousin” fits in the note. Simpler to read, and you can change the kind any time.

Does it import my contacts or social accounts?

No. A map you built by hand is small and true; one scraped from a phone book is large and meaningless.

What does “closer to me” mean exactly?

Days since you last marked a conversation. Today puts someone on the inner ring; ninety days or more puts them on the outer ring. It is about attention, not affection.